Changing Perspectives: Why My Autistic Son Will Never Be a Burden to Our Family

She shared with me that she needed help to live and to bathe and to eat. She said she had physical disabilities and was unable to care for herself independently.

She told me she felt like a burden to her family. She felt saddened that she made their life harder. She spoke of her parents and siblings specifically. She said she felt more like a job to them than part of the family.

Now, I knew nothing of this woman’s life. I didn’t know her or her parents or her siblings.

But her email changed me. Full stop.

And then a pivot. Right then and there I changed the way I spoke, the way I thought, and the way I acted about my son.

And autism. And his disability.

I do not want my son to ever think he is a burden on our family. Never. And I do not want his siblings to feel that way either.

Now, this is tricky stuff. This parenting differently abled humans. It’s not always easy. Quite often, it feels confusing and leaves me wanting more.

My son Cooper, the older brother, the one who loves trains and dancing before 4 am, has never once been a burden to me or anyone else in this family. And I can’t imagine him ever thinking that. I would never forgive myself.

Cooper has taught each of us so many lessons. He has taught us joy, laughter, patience, hope and resilience.

I would even say he is the glue that holds our family together. He is our home base. Our constant.

I think about that young woman from the email often. I did my best to reassure her that no mother could ever think their child was a burden. I don’t know if it worked. I never heard from her again. I can only hope she is as loved as these boys. I think about her parents too.

Goodness this is tricky stuff.

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