Veteran’s journey: Ibogaine as a path to healing



For many veterans, the battle doesn’t end when they return home. The wounds of war—both seen and unseen—can linger for years, leading many to seek relief through traditional therapies, medication or even self-medication. But for some, these methods fall short, leaving them searching for alternative paths to healing. 

One such veteran, Sam Juan, found hope in an unconventional and controversial treatment: ibogaine (pronounced “EYE-buh-gain”). The dissociative psychedelic drug was first used in African spiritual rituals and has earned a reputation for its ability to curb or even eradicate opioid cravings in drug users. 

In this candid conversation, Sam shares her journey from serving in one of the military’s most demanding roles to struggling with the lasting effects of trauma, and ultimately, discovering the potential of plant-based psychedelic therapy. Through her experience, she sheds light on the power of ibogaine, the importance of ritual in healing and the pressing need for greater access to alternative treatments for veterans.

DAV: Can you share your background and experience as a combat veteran?

Sam: I came in as a 92 golf, or food service specialist. Once I got my citizenship, I went over to Signals Intelligence as an analyst. During my time at (National Security Agency—Hawaii), I volunteered for a brand-new program called the Cultural Support Team Program in 2011 (an Army initiative that recruited and trained female soldiers to support special operations forces by engaging with local women and children in conflict zones where cultural norms restricted male access). I went through selection and was assigned to Joint Special Operations Command, then deployed with JSOC, attached to a Navy SEAL team, and, yeah, did about eight months, nine months-ish, with two different SEAL teams and came back, ended up leaving active duty shortly after, and pursuing art. I would say my military career and the things that happened during my deployment highly influenced why I sought out psychedelic therapy.

DAV: How did that intense service impact your mental health?

Sam: During my time as a CST or cultural support team leader, I was the only female on the team. It was a brand-new program in these very, very challenging, austere locations. My responsibility was to manage the women and kids on target. I was assigned to the direct-action mission, so operating at night, going in and out as quick as I could, or as we could. The things that happened I… I don’t want to say I’m not proud of, but there’s a lot of moral injury there that I’ve taken home. And that’s where I have my challenges, where I get the flashbacks, nightmares. And still, sometimes when I talk about some of the events, especially what happened to some women and children. I don’t feel too great about what happened.

DAV: You probably tried other things first and you learned at some point in time about ibogaine therapy for your mental health struggles. Can you talk about what that process was like maybe where you started and then how you ended up with ibogaine?

Sam: For a long time, I self-medicated. I think a lot of veterans try to do that. You know, “I don’t need any help. I got it.” And for me, it was either a ton of work, or all the substances. Alcohol, drugs, you name it, right? Eventually, I reached a super low-point where I was like, I can’t do this on my own anymore. I really need help. I have never talked to a therapist. I think I should do that. And I started doing that back in 2020. I think that’s when I was first introduced to peyote (a drug made from a cactus found in the American southwest and used by indigenous groups). And that forever changed the way I looked at medicine. The experience, the spiritual reconnection, the way of being, the way of life, just the way the ceremony was. I knew there was a lot more that I could learn and heal from. Then I, through talk, traditional talk therapy, I was introduced to ketamine, but it wasn’t in a ritual or ceremonial setting. It was very “go into an office, get your treatment, get your medicine,” you know. And that’s fine, and it has its place and purpose, but I still didn’t feel like I got the amount of healing that I needed.

DAV: It sounded like the difference between those two experiences was the ritualistic setting. Do you find that to be important for the healing process?

Sam: Oh, absolutely. It’s the rituals and the practices that you bring into your life and to your day to day that really make the difference. You can’t do medicine every day. Medicine isn’t the cure, it’s the entry, the portal into the new way of life, the new way of being, the new way of thinking about things that happen to you. I take my rituals, prayer, journaling, meditation very seriously, because without it, I can see myself reverting back to self-medicating.

DAV: So, you first learn about ibogaine. Did you have any concerns before trying it?

Sam: I had started treatment at a couple of retreats with the Mission Within (a mental health organization that provides access to plant-based medicine journeys). My doctor knew I was going through (other psychedelics for therapy) and he was like, “No for what you are carrying, you really need to do ibogaine.” I started using opiates every day and just experiencing the withdrawals. It was overtaking my regular day-to-day. Once I started using opiates, I knew I needed something more significant, more effective. And so, I went to the doctor to see if he had any openings for ibogaine treatment.

DAV: Can you talk about the therapy, about that experience? Can you describe the experience?

Sam: So at my treatment in Mexico, we all gather at the house and it’s a beautiful setting. They start the day before treatment, checking your vitals, doing checks on mental health, your medical history. Just making sure you’re a good candidate and that it’s safe. From there, the more spiritual aspect happens, where you’re setting your intention, sitting there doing a prayer, sage is burned. Then when it’s time for medicine, we go ahead and take it. We’re then brought upstairs to where these mattresses or beds are on the ground. They give you an eye mask to wear if you’d like, and there’s music playing, and the length of your journey varies. Some, maybe four or six hours or seven hours. Mine, for some reason, lasted about 14 hours.

DAV: That sounds like a long time.

Sam: You know, like my doctor had predicted, I needed this medicine.

DAV: You say it was intense. Is it difficult?

Sam: I don’t want to scare anyone off because I would do this 100 times over. But it was very dark for me. It was very dark. I kept feeling like I saw spirits, dark shadows, like those sleep paralysis demons that were hovering over me, whispering. I kept taking my eye mask off because I thought somebody was literally on top of me and nobody was there. With other psychedelics, you’ll see visuals, but it’s really bright and colorful. Not this time. It was very dark. I begged in my mind for me to stop.

DAV: Fourteen hours later, it finally does?

Sam: Fourteen hours. Yes.

DAV: So after this 14-hour experience, you come out the other side. Are you a completely different person? How are you different? How have you changed?

Sam: In the immediate time after waking up and finally getting out of the bed, I was out of sorts. I was like, “Oh my God, what did I just experience? Why was it so dark? Is there something wrong with me?” I was also more introspective, because it was so different from all the other medicines. But I will say, I have not even thought about doing an opiate since then. I couldn’t care less about it. And so, if I had to go through that experience to be there in that kind of mindset, it’s 100 % worth it.

DAV: Is that ibogaine’s strength, different than any other drug, perhaps, the benefit to addicts?

Sam: Yeah.

DAV: How has the post-ibogaine experience affected your day-to-day life?

Sam: I would say the community, being open to being vulnerable with other people who’ve gone through the experience. The group that I went with was all women. So reconnecting with the other women and just sharing. I felt alone at the time, but others also felt or had that same experience. So not feeling alone and now being more open and honest, I’m not relying on the medicines but turning to these types of medicines and ways of being healed versus traditional western medicine way. I feel accepted to do so.

DAV: What would you say to other veterans who might be struggling with mental health but are hesitant to try something like ibogaine? Folks may be afraid of making that trip to a foreign country to take a medicine that’s illegal in the United States.

Sam: I am more into my spirituality now. Prior to this, I was raised Catholic and fell away from the church. But now I understand that there’s a reason that I was introduced to these medicines. There’s a purpose behind it. Trust as much as you can and trust that you’ll be in safe hands and good hands of these people who are doing this work. It’s not easy. They’re not making a ton of money. They’re not in it for that. The amount of work that goes into each individual at these retreats. I don’t know how they’re not exhausted. There’s a lot to carry, and there’s a lot of responsibility there. So, they’re doing it because they feel called to do it.

DAV: There is a stigma surrounding alternative therapies like ibogaine, especially maybe in the context of veterans’ mental health care. Do you think there should be more openness, more research in this area

Sam: I completely hope that there is, and I push for it. I advocate for it because there’s not one tool, there’s not one medicine, that works for everyone. It should be available for all veterans. It should not be so restrictive or (made available only) to specific demographics that could afford it or could have the means to travel. It should be available here and legal here so that we can help heal veterans.

DAV: Given the issues that we are having as a nation with opioid abuse, is ibogaine something that we would want to advocate for? You talk about 14 hours of understandably difficult treatment, and you came out the other side without a desire to use again.

Sam: It would be worth the investment if you really care about the American people and you care about your veterans. Why wouldn’t you want more access for this type of medicine? I know what I think the answer is.

DAV: What’s the answer?

Sam: They don’t know how to make it profitable yet. That is the bottom line, unfortunately.

Editor’s Note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.