So many times I hear from parents and professionals that a child is “fine” in school!
Being “fine” is often an autistic child blending, masking and copying peers in an exhausting attempt to “fit in”.
We are not “fine!”
Parents know their children. Just because they appear to cope in school and then explode is usually due to unmet needs in school, it’s NOT a parenting issue.
Unmet needs could be sensory, not understanding the teacher, the work, trying not to be distracted, trying to focus, being afraid to be different or stand out.
We are not fine!
I went through this for over 10 years to get my daughter diagnosed. Our story remained consistent, yet we were still subject to anonymous SS referrals, my parenting being blamed. Very few wanted to actually hold their hands up and accept that yes! it’s not the parents. It’s unmet needs.
Having my daughter diagnosed had made me very aware that I’m likely autistic. I identify as autistic and am waiting my own diagnosis.
“Why do you need a diagnosis aged 41!”, “what will it change?”
Nothing!
Except hoping that it will help my daughter see that she can succeed at anything she wants with the right tools/ support to enable her. For me, being constantly told it’s my “anxiety” causing issues at home. My “anxiety” is likely an expressive language difficulty that means I stutter, shake and over talk when I’m not given time to prepare.
I’m not anxious. Just desperately trying to process and produce words. Yet when I can prepare I can stand and present in front of 40 people, sit and voice at strategic meetings.
Know you are not alone. There are many families going through this. You will find someone that’ll listen. That will take action, and will help.
Believe in your gut feelings, your maternal instincts.
NASEN (National Association Of Special Educational Needs) are well recognised and respected nationally by all professionals as knowing their stuff.
Their ” Flying Under the Radar ” article, although written about ASD girls can be useful for all maskers.
The aftermath explosion can be described as a balloon or shaken bottle.
